And I’m back on the track… Loads of caffeine in my system make me see and feel more intensively than ever. I have never had such an effect from something that has been in my life for so long and taken for granted.
I perceive information differently. My brain seems to work in a different way. It makes me feel a little confused, because I’ve never felt like that before. I finally find myself in control of the situation. Strange and alien to me, this sensation seems to make me better.
Better ME. Actually I’m not really sure what it means to me. Maybe more self-control and awareness about the things going around myself.
That special spark that I haven’t had in my soul is probably somewhere close by waiting for the perfect moment. But what is the perfect moment? When will it happen? What do I need to do for it to come sooner?
Too many questions rise in my head and I can’t get rid of them. I know that I can do it, but I feel uncertain about how to do it.
Queer me, my queer life… All seems so simple now for some reason. Simple, but unusual.


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