Just a dream

Everything I have ever known

Flipped upside down in a second,

Not giving me time to adjust…

…when I saw her.

Effusing the elusive light,

Collaring me and all of my insides,

Immobilizing my being,

She made me regret

Every decision that had led me

To that moment,

And yet I was bursting

With inexplicable ecstasy.

Those thin wrists had so much

Power over me.

I was ready to drown in the abysmal wells

Of her eyes

Over and over again.

The stare made me weak,

For a second

I thought I heard her heartbeat;

So calm.

Her lips moved.

One, two, three more seconds

And she stepped forward.

Forward to the rails.

A train. A hit.


White dress covered in blood,

Beautiful face with eyes wide open.

They were still staring into me.

I snap my eyes shut.

I am not there anymore.

I am strapped to a therapy bed.

I hear the blurry “Increase the voltage”

And feel my insides being twisted again.

Just a dream. Please, come back to me.

I do not wish to wake up.






Sudden desire to bake, or a picturesque night sky.

The sudden desire to bake something came when I expected it the least. I wish whenever this kind of mood came, it dragged along an idea of what to bake with it…

And, according to the advice from one of the FB comments, I’ve decided to make an apple pie, because a cheese cake that I would want requires a mixer which I don’t have, and banitsa was the previous time. And, apple pies are nice, especially the ones you eat with ice cream 🙂

Deciding what to bake was only the half of the deal, actually; I did not have all the ingredients for the pie, which could only mean going to REAL to buy stuff. In the dark. Alone. And, surprisingly enough it turned out not as scary as it had usually been.

Most of the dark pieces of the road I wasn’t really worrying about it being dark and a bit creepy, but kept on staring at the night sky. It’s been a while since I could see the stars that clearly within the town. SO.FREAKING.BEAUTIFUL.

Pretty sky, pretty stars, and me looking like a serial killer wearing a hoodie 2 sizes bigger than it should be.  I’ve been thinking for quite a while about finding a spot with (almost) no street lights to be able to watch the stars. Yes, as pathetic as it sounds or looks like, I like watching stars.

For an Nth time whenever I come to REAL after 8 pm I see so many people, like everyone was sitting and waiting for the clock to strike 20:00 and then rush into that gigantic hot box. Either it was me or a problem with their air ventilation, but I could hardly breathe in there.

Going home was the most painful part because of the bag weight, but at the same dark spot I stopped again and froze for several seconds because it was SO OVERWHELMINGLY BEAUTIFUL.  At least something to make me smile throughout the day today 🙂

The apple pie with vanilla ice cream is coming up tomorrow and I will make sure I enjoy it both baking and eating it 😛

Stay tuned.