I detach your smile from myself.
The sunlight of yesterday is falling out
Of the eyes wet from tears.
Swinging left and right, back and forth…
It’s making me light-headed.
Drums in the head are beating the rhythm of your steps
As you come closer;
I’m convulsively searching for the words to say,
But the play room of my brain is in too big of a mess
To find the right mask.
I get lost.
Nothing to hide behind.
You see me as I am,
Silently staring at you in confusion.
I lost. The layer is down.
Too. Much. Of. Me.
My heart is beating harder than ever. I feel it breaking my chest with every beat. I look at my life and realize that I haven’t done anything that would make someone feel good. I only destroy and complicate everything and everyone around me. And, without noticing it, I destroy myself little by little. I smile, I laugh, I cry… It doesn’t matter what I do. A little of me is dying with any emotion, because my soul isn’t happy about anything anymore. I’m not heartless anymore, I’m able to feel things I couldn’t feel some time ago. But now I feel only pain and sorrow. Soon I’ll b grieving on my own heart’s grave if nothing miraculously appears or happens to fix me. I keep on existing and falling apart with every smile, or tear.