fear

Invisible war


The air solidifies,

Muting the howls,

Leaving me to hear them

Only in my head.

A power surge.

I cannot help but

Stare at the breaking light bulbs

And the twisted reflections

In the shattered glass.

The ground is shaking,

Swallowing trees into the fissures.

And I remain standing

In the middle of the chaos,

Martyring my mind

Over the life

That has never existed anywhere,

But in the dreams.

One more night… One more night… –

I repeat to myself, trying to survive

Until the morning that might not come.

I am fighting the invisible war

With the enemy I refuse to admit,

Feeling it eating me from the center on,

And the chances of winning

Are close to zero.

 

Through your eyes (If I were you)


I am an elastic alloy

Of your fears.

They wait to emerge

From the depths

You have never seen.

One step closer –

The pieces you broke me into

Have multiplied

And united as one again;

Teardrops have hardened,

And the sharp edges

Will enter your filthy being

From every pore.

When you gather the courage

To look up,

My foot will stand on your face,

Ready to crush your empty skull,

Just like I dreamed

On the day the pieces

Rained on the soft grass.

The story


You are a wonderous piece

Of my imagination;

I have created you

Out of a single thought,

An image stuck in my head.

Breathing between seconds,

Counting time between the heartbeats

I pray for you not to end.

An empty room:

I filled it with you.

Every letter of you

Creates a story,

A story of you.

And maybe me too.

Sentence by sentence,

It grows and fills the room.

Once the door opens,

The story will be over.

Will you be the one

To open the door

When there is no more space

For me in it?

I have built a throne

For my imagination

And let it rule the broken kingdom

Of my dreams,

But the crown

Will always be yours.

It is crafted from shadows in

The deepest corners of my mind,

But it still shines brighter than

Your eyes.

I have lost the game.

Hide-and-seek is over,

And I cannot run away

To hide again.

My inner voice is telling me

To stop.

Should I trust it?

I can feel it staring at me,

Demanding to open the door or look away.

The door…

Is the story over?

I cannot tell.

Pinch me, I think I am dreaming,

Because you do not exist.

You are just a wondrous piece

Of my imagination.

Let me in


Scar after scar,
Word after word,
I keep trying to get up
From the knees you put me on.
Your screaming becomes muted,
I see your lips moving,
Those mad eyes
Drilling me and draining my energy.
I thought you hated me.
But after looking inside
All I saw was a child,
A child terrified of failure,
Hiding behind the anger,
Anger that is destroying us both.
Give me your hand.
Break the field of hatred,
And let yourself trust me.
There is always time to change who you are,
Just
Let.
Me.
In.

Stockholm Syndrome


I woke up in a tank of water
With your hands around my neck.
A foolish mistake, and here I am,
Answering  for someone else’s debts.
Pain. So much pain…
And you’re  enjoying  every second of it.
Dreading every next day,
Knowing that it will repeat again.
Petrified, I await the next torture
Not knowing what would come to that twisted mind of yours.
With every door squeak, step of your heavy boots
And every firm grip on my neck,
To my own horror,
I realize… that you are kind of cute.

Too late anyway


Don’t go away,

It’s too dark here;

I’m scared.

The shield is down –

I can’t protect myself anymore.

Unseen forces ramble in needles,

Throwing them around

Like Halloween candy.

Yielding shapes keep convoluting

The soft lung tissue.

Done.

I’m going up from the bottom.

Not swimming.

Floating up;

Just for the corpse to show on the surface.

You can leave.

It’s alright. Too late anyway.

Layers of fear


I’m folding my eyelids.

There’s nothing to see ahead,

Only a straight road.

Choking on my own despair

I can’t move further.

Paper notes are flying around;

My dreams written on them

With a horrible handwriting

Will forever remain there.

The bubble of self-preservation

Is getting thicker and less transparent.

The moment you don’t see me through the layers of fear

Will be the end. The end of all.

Trapped asleep


You pour your eyes on my back,

But when I turn around

There’s no one near.

The corner you’re hiding behind

Is pulsing with hatred;

Aimless desperation

Has put me in the middle of the room.

Silence. My best friend has started deceiving me –

Revealing the sounds of horror.

I can’t get rid of the nightmares

That I see with my eyes open.

The dawn is too far away to hope

For a quick and painless night.

I am trapped in the middle of my own dream.

Wake.

Me.

Up.

burn to be free


Terrifying turn around the corner. Rusty equipment stuck to old stone walls.

I have to turn. I am afraid. I’m scared of going towards “the change”.

I feel somebody grabbing my shoulder from behind and pushing me forward to make that bid step. I am resisting, screaming, biting, scratching… but there’s no other way around.

Right at the turn. There I am. I need that choice. If I go back – I’ll die, if I go forward – there’re too many uncertainties to handle. One thin line to step over…

The wall is horrifying all of me with its slippery mold on its surface. I’ve accidentally touched it. It smells like decomposed rubbish, or something of that sort. It feels utterly disgusting.

I am looking around to make myself adjusted. But… BAM! Someone has pushed me around that damned turn without any support or knowing what to do. While falling I’ve injured my wrist with the terror wall with mold, so now besides the nasty substance in my hand there is also blood.

And I’m still flying around there. It becomes very scary when out off all the voices I’ve heard before, mine was the only one that I heard and made.

Slowly plunging into something very dark and smooth. Intriguing, but frightening. I get up. I don’t recognize anything or anyone around me.I am alone. Alone and only for myself. I’ve found matches in my pocket, which were still functional.

I stood in the very middle of the biggest crowd, and lit the first match…

I observed it for a little, smiled at it, and let it go… More and more flame explosions opened and soon all area was embraced by fire.I was standing there, still in the middle of everything…and smiling.