loneliness

Umbrellas


Cubicle of the room.

I look out of the window;

I see umbrellas

And endless rain frozen in the air.

There are no doors in my cubicle.

Drops don’t let the air in.

Less and less oxygen left.

The umbrellas keep moving.

I am watching them move

As my face becomes pale.

Beating against the glass and walls,

But the fate has been determined.

I cover myself with white paint

To match the walls

And dissolve in the cubicle.

Lack of oxygen shows;

I am blue.

I am lonely.

Every umbrella is in a separate cubicle,

Each is slowly suffocating.

I choose to end it quicker.

I dissolve in white paint.

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Finally weekend?…


I was craving rest during all the working week. And now I finally have free time and  I can’t even enjoy it.

Everything’s too dull. Nothing to do.

This is such a lonely city. Sitting in the apartment and waiting for a call from work is the best option I got at the moment.  They told me they’d call because I’d need to work  on some modifications in the afternoon. And now this is the most exciting thing to happen for the whole day.

If I didn’t have music coming out of my earphones, I’d probably die from boredom.

The only thing left to do is browse aimlessly until I get some work to do.

Awesome weekend is awesome. Yeah…

Rotten ghosts in suits


Shiny streets, sparkling buildings,

Bright colors are hitting the eyes.

Walls of the city can’t hold anymore,

They’ve stretched enough;

Rotten people with empty eyes

Keep wandering around,

Trying to look busy.

I’m in the middle of the street,

Ghosts of former happiness

Are wearing suits.

Wind is flapping the fabric.

Hair has covered my face,

But I don’t need to see what I already know.

I’m surrounded by empty space,

The air is rotting,

And so am I,

Along with the windy overfilled village.

 

Thinking


I’ve been sick for 6 days already. My sick leave is over, tomorrow I gotta go to work. So, tomorrow will be the day of me sneezing and coughing on other people, because I haven’t recovered completely, but I can’t stay in the apt for any longer…

During the leave I’ve  thought about too many things and I bet I overthought  a crapload of unnecessary stuff…

My laptop has become something inseparable from me, I sleetpwith it next to me. Simply laying in bed and being inactive makes me anxious, I need to be doing something… Watching online lectures and enlightening myself alone doesn’t work. I started looking for different ways of making at least some kind of a change while staying at the same place. No luck so far.

Learning things makes me a little distracted, so this is what I cling to these days. Making changes within myself is much harder than I thought (duuuh, I’m such an idiot for even mentioning that, everybody knows that it’s freaking hard).

I feel kind of stupid, undeveloped; like I don’t know enough to be able to exist as a whole normal human being.

I am just a bunch of knowledge fragments scattered inside of myself.

Stuck. Lonely. I interact with people every day, but I do feel lonely. I complain too much.

I want an emotional shake that would sweep me off my feet and drag me into something exciting.

Yeah, I want too much I think. I think too much. Gotta stop thinking, that’d make everything around easier for sure.

Waiting for the death


Bright shining moon
Reflects the abysmal eyes
Full of nothingness.
I howl from pain,
Waiting for the last seconds
Of my useless breathing.
All the air of the world is never enough
To have a deep sigh
Before I go.
God’s verdict
Has put a mark on me
And all my life,
That has not much left.
I’m not afraid of the old witch in her black robe,
But a smile won’t touch my lips
As I leave.
Sun will keep on shining,
Rain will keep on going,
People will be busy, like they usually are.
But it will not make a difference
For me, because
I will be gone.