pain

Transparent


Cold slowly crawling on my feet

Is eating the last bits of sadness;

I can’t feel my toes anymore.

I am happy to see you smile

When I spend my hours drinking my life away,

And waiting for it to be over.

I wish you saw,

I wish you could understand

That I need this,

I need it more than you see I do.

I wish I were transparent,

I wish you saw through me all the time,

Giving me the space

To detach myself

From you.

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Pond


One moment –

An eye contact.

I forgot everything in the world.

Closer, closer, closer –

The smile got bigger and bigger.

With every new root

I bloomed more.

You grew into me

And I into you.

I felt lighter and stronger.

A careless mistake;

You started pulling

Yourself out of my soul

And body,

Bit by bit,

Taking pieces of me

Along the way.

I am an open wound,

But with not enough blood

To dry up and heal.

The pond is empty,

The water is still;

Only tiny ripples

As a reminder,

While I watch your back.

Sieving ash


One day i died.

Stung myself without looking,

Burned alive.

The fire did not last;

Not enough life force in me.

I quietly diminished

To a small pile of ash.

You accidentally stumbled

Across the remnants

And sat, sieving through,

Trying to find something.

But I know, what you are searching for

Is not there.

I have given it to you

Long time ago

And never asked

For it back.

You can keep it if you like,

It will not make any difference

Anymore.

 

Aurora


Sing to me.

Sing the song of the painful past,

Of the irreversible damage,

The hot tears.

Captivating melody

Is making my heart ache

Like it has never done before.

Eyes open to a clear night sky

Strewn with stars.

I see you shine with them

Releasing blue streams;

Aurora reflecting in them

Takes me farther away

Into a place

Where there are only

Us and the song;

The beautiful song of tears

And pain.

Soon the melody will stop,

Leaving you and me

Looking into each other’s eyes,

Seeing the sky, the northern lights,

And eternity in them.

 

 

Invisible war


The air solidifies,

Muting the howls,

Leaving me to hear them

Only in my head.

A power surge.

I cannot help but

Stare at the breaking light bulbs

And the twisted reflections

In the shattered glass.

The ground is shaking,

Swallowing trees into the fissures.

And I remain standing

In the middle of the chaos,

Martyring my mind

Over the life

That has never existed anywhere,

But in the dreams.

One more night… One more night… –

I repeat to myself, trying to survive

Until the morning that might not come.

I am fighting the invisible war

With the enemy I refuse to admit,

Feeling it eating me from the center on,

And the chances of winning

Are close to zero.

 

Substitute


Disfigured shadows,

Metal bars;

I am sentenced to an eternity

Inside of your mind.

So dry and colourless.

Oh, mama, mama…

How many times

Have you warned me

About the dangerous dreams!

I am stuck in one,

Looking at the starless sky,

Mixing tears with wine.

Ah, so replaceable!..

I have so many substitutes.

Wake me up!

Kick me out of your head for once,

Have mercy…

Let me awaken from the nightmare

I have staged.

Body frozen,

Forced to stare into one direction,

Why is everything so blurry all of a sudden?..

I will take my skin off

And put a smile on.

I will smile at you

And dissolve from your memory

Along with the last drop.

Ah, so replaceable…

Reality hit


Cut out the orbits of your feelings,

You won’t need them anymore.

The visions you’ve had were nothing

But childish imagination;

This kind of naivety isn’t accepted

In our society.

Your skin is too effeminate

For the reality hits.

Everybody’s hurt,

Hiding from the rain

With artificial grins.

How does it feel now?

Do you think you’ve been through much?

Calm down the excitement.

The worst is about to come.