alone

Transparent


Cold slowly crawling on my feet

Is eating the last bits of sadness;

I can’t feel my toes anymore.

I am happy to see you smile

When I spend my hours drinking my life away,

And waiting for it to be over.

I wish you saw,

I wish you could understand

That I need this,

I need it more than you see I do.

I wish I were transparent,

I wish you saw through me all the time,

Giving me the space

To detach myself

From you.

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Pond


One moment –

An eye contact.

I forgot everything in the world.

Closer, closer, closer –

The smile got bigger and bigger.

With every new root

I bloomed more.

You grew into me

And I into you.

I felt lighter and stronger.

A careless mistake;

You started pulling

Yourself out of my soul

And body,

Bit by bit,

Taking pieces of me

Along the way.

I am an open wound,

But with not enough blood

To dry up and heal.

The pond is empty,

The water is still;

Only tiny ripples

As a reminder,

While I watch your back.

Fog


I woke up

Not knowing where I was;

Breathing in the fog

That creeped over the ground

And me.

Is this real?

The sunshine is too far,

And I can feel

My bones shrinking in the cold,

Surrounded by fire-breathing trees.

I am still, yet moving,

Clueless about the direction.

A hand on my shoulder;

I know it is you

Without turning around.

I do not know where I am,

But I know where the fog is leading me;

Your touch helped me stay alive

And take the first step.

Qbic


Blurry.

Funky music. French accent.

Friendly smile.

A small universe in every glass.

Pale all evening.

Crafted mood.

Lonely soul.

Hexagon on the floor.

Time is too slow.

Wishes of time travel

Are as untrue as a cake.

Slow steps back.

Cold room.

Creaking floor.

Empty bed.

Illusion of warmth.

2959.

So much until I smile again.

So little.

So much.

29082018.

Hologram


A pile of damaged memories

Gets bigger every time

I think about it;

Cannot forget,

Cannot make it disappear.

All that is left

Is to set fire to myself

And watch it all burn with me.

Crimson embers,

So warm and useless;

Mixing with the images

And dead pixels –

Misunderstood?

Worn out?

Displaced?

I am the odd one out,

Faced with the aftermath

Of the repressed.

A cheap hologram

Of the last truths.

Do not intervene,

Let the embers turn to dust

And spread to others’ minds,

As this is the only freedom

That I will ever get.

Glass


I’m spilling the letters
And leaving my ribcage open,
Spilling more and more,
Until every last tittle.
Stuck under the bell jar
That has too many cracks
To see anything else.
Screams are hammers
That are trying to smash
My way out.
Only cracks, one after another
I damage my last chance
Of seeing a clear sky.
Your words are sand
Escaping my fingers before
I can comprehend the pain
They leave on my skin.
The world will forsake you,
Forsake me.
I am still inside the bell jar,
Cracking the glass trying
To get out,
And losing every opportunity
To see your eyes
Absorbing mine.
So much self-destruction,
All in vain.
No last goodbyes,
No last glance,
You are soundproof.
The last bits of warmth
Are lost in the glass surface.
I am here. Alone.
And this is how it will remain.
Just like before.

My worst enemy


Withering smiles,
The sunset  of my future.
I keep watching the wind
Taking the essence
Of what I am and used to be.
Pour the memories
Over my eyes;
It’s not tears,
Just the wind,
Cold wind.
I always tear up
When the wind is cold.
Your hands are the cello notes
That squeeze my heart
Every time the melody
Touches my ears.
I keep walking towards
The edge of the abyss
That tries to engulf me
With every touch,
Every look.
I end up being
My worst enemy,
Engaging into a fight with myself
Without a chance to win.
Sinking in the bog
Of my past,
Of your past.
So shift the gears,
Let the engine ignite.
And if it stalls,
I’d be the brake
That never works.
As always…