Always

Drowning in hopelessness,

Hiding the pain inside;

Indicators are concealed,

But I see.

The weight on you is

Painful for both of us;

Every regret

Has it’s own scale,

Overflowing the jar

Of tears.

Two halves

Of different bodies

Are linked too much

To ignore the sensation.

The loss,

The disappointment,

The desperation-

All of it falls

Right into place

And dissppears

Upon skin contact

And soothing voice.

A moment or an eternity ,

The embrace is an escape.

Identifying as mirror;

Our scars

Match in every right place

Like puzzle pieces.

So precise it scares.

Shattered happiness,

Comfort of the hands,

Calmness at the fingertips,

Salvation in the presence;

I will be there to pick up the shards

And put them together,

Ignoring the cuts,

Holding the embrace.

Always there,

Always for you.

Coma

One day I disappeared.
Woke up in the morning
Finding myself non-existent.
The other side of the mirror
Still  has my fingerprints.
8 o’clock.  Sunrise. My messy bedroom.
I see a woman enter the room with a child.
Should I beat against the glass,
Try make them see me?
Useless idea. Just like myself.
Now my fingerprints are gone,
The lady wiped them off the mirror.
No more trace of me.
They were leaving. The child looked in my direction
And waved goodbye.
My last goodbye.
The end unexpectedly crawled up
And winked at me as I stood there
Suffocating  from the perplexity
Which has emerged  from myself.
Memories are being erased,
My brain is an old memory drive.
The system has crashed.
Mirrors have turned blue.
I cannot see you anymore.
No more rain drops at the windows,
Snowflakes  on the hair…
This is it.
Pull the plug.
I can’t  take this anymore.
Please.

Too. Much.

I detach your smile from myself.

The sunlight of yesterday is falling out

Of the eyes wet from tears.

Swinging left and right, back and forth…

It’s making me light-headed.

Drums in the head are beating the rhythm of your steps

As you come closer;

I’m convulsively searching for the words to say,

But the play room of my brain is in too big of a mess

To find the right mask.

I get lost. 

So insecure.

Nothing to hide behind.

You see me as I am,

Silently staring at you in confusion.

I lost. The layer is down.

Too. Much. Of. Me.

 

Monochrome picture

Words are leaking from my eyes,

I can feel the cold stream on my face.

Pull the trigger on your camera

And kill the second of my time, at least now.

Limbs are getting colder, am I dying?

Slowly turning into a monochrome picture

On the wall, I still struggle to understand the limits

Of my own confusion.

I can’t feel the colors anymore,

Voices are more distant,

And the blades of your sight are blurring the image.

Don’t fold the picture,

Put me in the scrapbook I made a while ago,

And leave it on my desk, where it has always been.

burn to be free

Terrifying turn around the corner. Rusty equipment stuck to old stone walls.

I have to turn. I am afraid. I’m scared of going towards “the change”.

I feel somebody grabbing my shoulder from behind and pushing me forward to make that bid step. I am resisting, screaming, biting, scratching… but there’s no other way around.

Right at the turn. There I am. I need that choice. If I go back – I’ll die, if I go forward – there’re too many uncertainties to handle. One thin line to step over…

The wall is horrifying all of me with its slippery mold on its surface. I’ve accidentally touched it. It smells like decomposed rubbish, or something of that sort. It feels utterly disgusting.

I am looking around to make myself adjusted. But… BAM! Someone has pushed me around that damned turn without any support or knowing what to do. While falling I’ve injured my wrist with the terror wall with mold, so now besides the nasty substance in my hand there is also blood.

And I’m still flying around there. It becomes very scary when out off all the voices I’ve heard before, mine was the only one that I heard and made.

Slowly plunging into something very dark and smooth. Intriguing, but frightening. I get up. I don’t recognize anything or anyone around me.I am alone. Alone and only for myself. I’ve found matches in my pocket, which were still functional.

I stood in the very middle of the biggest crowd, and lit the first match…

I observed it for a little, smiled at it, and let it go… More and more flame explosions opened and soon all area was embraced by fire.I was standing there, still in the middle of everything…and smiling.