Forever in my mind and heart, 24.11.2014

A rainy november day,

Air stuck in my throat;

Tears flowing down the face

Are not letting me breathe.

A mixture of smoke and steam

Numbs the scorching pain

That burns the insides

As I try to say my last goodbye.

Weary eyes and the kindest wrinkles

Are covering the pale made-up face;

This face will remain,

And your young self

Will keep coming to my dreams.

My first friend and support,

The one who understood and listened.

Another winter is covering the earth with ice,

And I welcome you every time

Even though I know you are never coming back.

Forever in my mind and heart

You will stay,

And make me proud to be your blood.

 

No more you

Sew your lips together

So noone can hear you scream,

The only thing to see will be a crooked smile.

Freeze your heart

So you can’t feel any pain,

No more warmth will radiate from your presence.

Let the soul leak out of your bleak eyes

And make everything around gray,

All that’s left will be emptiness.

Refuse the last straw of help

Push the hand away,

Keep telling yourself that lonely means free.

No more pressure,

No more danger,

No more pain,

No.

More.

You.

Falling apart

My heart is beating harder than ever. I feel it breaking my chest with every beat. I look at my life and realize that I haven’t done anything that would make someone feel good. I only destroy and complicate everything and everyone around me. And, without noticing it, I destroy myself little by little. I smile, I laugh, I cry… It doesn’t matter what I do. A little of me is dying with any emotion, because my soul isn’t happy about anything anymore. I’m not heartless anymore, I’m able to feel things I couldn’t feel some time ago. But now I feel only pain and sorrow. Soon I’ll b grieving on my own heart’s grave if nothing miraculously appears or happens to fix me. I keep on existing and falling apart with every smile, or tear.