Just you wait

Pressure.
Press the shoulder
So the American football star
Scores.
Everybody happy,
Waving flags,
Waving sheets.
Feel the elbow
Shoving into the stomach
Just to sacrifice
The humanity.
Insignificant deed,
Barely needs a warning;
The girl imagined it.
What was she wearing anyway?
Anything short? Seductive?
The boy couldn’t control himself;
So distracting.
Too much skin,
Naked ankles, knees, shoulders,
Enough to trigger a caveman.
Shouldn’t provoke,
Should just say “no”;
Isn’t this easy?
How wonderful
To be able to just
Forget it,
Move past it,
And “teach girls to be modest next time”,
While the star gets his slap.
Not enough voices
To cancel out the fecal matter
Spilling from the lawyer’s mouth,
Not enough resistance
To make them stop.
The punishment requires weight.
Oh, be sure, there is
Enough waiting for you.
One day you will suffocate
On your own arrogance,
And the pain,
The pain collected
Will make you scream
For punishment.
Just.
You.
Wait.

Lake.

The day I stopped existing

Was the same as others;

Wet streets,

Grey stretched across the city,

Hours before the sunrise.

Like an empty corn husk,

Discarded and left to rot

In the dirt,

I prayed to all the gods and demons

For it to be the last time;

Too many times I had spent

Tumbling between hell and earth.

Questionable angels never look

For any reasons not to pull me out,

And I am always returned

To where I have started.

 

I have found a beautiful clear lake,

Secluded and lonely,

Just like me.

It can hide me from the angels

And help me remain.

The feeling of this unlikely friendship

Gives me hope,

That this time

I will succeed.

Rivers

Submerged into you,

I feel the warm currents

Not letting me drown.

Anticipating the rendezvous

Streams pick up the speed;

All I have ever wanted

Is to meet you.

You are the ocean,

And every river of mine,

Regardless of the direction,

Flows into you.

Snow bots and feeling homeless

Today is fukken freezing! Nanobots of snow are flying around and planting themselves on everything they can get, leaving ice on surfaces and eating up to the bones.  I almost got my hands fallen off when I was switching the songs on the phone. Time to get some proper gloves…

And now, more excitement about the upcoming long weekend! Except for the fact that I don’t have any because apparently (thanks to my landlady) I don’t have a place to stay during these 3 days. Yaay. Now I’m desperately looking through my contacts list to find someone kind enough to help me out. I think, I’ll end up going to couchsurfing and just randomly clicking on people who can host 😀 That’s gonna be an exciting process.

Apart from the evil-plotting snow bots and the chance of me sleeping outside everything’s been going alright. I’m getting ready for a business trip to Karaganda next week and am kind of nervous about it because this is going to be my first business trip and I have to be awesome. 2 days of stress in our local inpatient facility and I’ll be done with it 🙂 Only 2 days, so that makes it not so bad.

Yesterday I counted the number of poems that I have collecterd since the first book got published. 41 poem! And 38 of them are going to get published as soon as I figure out what I want on the cover and find a person who can help me with it (the artist who was going to help is waay to busy with his full-time job and I can’t ask him to stress about my tiny book). I’m thinking of a cover that doesn’t have too much on it, but somehow depicts  the stuff written on the inside. My brain is empty and I feel soooo not artsy-fartsy because I can’t even think of anything right now. But I’m sure I’ll get there.

Moving forward. Trying not to freeze. Making myself stay positive.